Okay, I’m just gonna throw this out there…I am prideful. We’ve only been here in Brazil about 5 days, and already I am learning tons about myself. I struggle so much with expectations, because I get my ideas about what God is going to have in store, and then when they aren’t met, I think everything is all wrong. I thought for sure we would be living out in the bush somewhere, eating who knows what, sharing the gospel with people who had never heard of Jesus, and smelling like something that’s been dead for quite some time. We would definitely be in direct relationship with the poor everyday, and meeting their needs in whatever ways we could. This is not the case though. We will be doing manual labor everyday for the next 2 months, so our work will be for people we might never meet, and for a time that isn’t right now.
The place we are working is a missionary training school, and the missionaries that will be trained aren’t here yet, because the school isn’t finished yet. Thus we are here to help finish it. So our ministry will have no immediate impact on anyone, and we will not see the fruit of our labor. This is hard for me, because my heart is for direct relationship with the people in stuggle. I know how important it is to train up new missionaries so it can continue, but I am so ready to be the one going straight to the poor.
But what might God be saying in this? Clearly He is bigger than my understanding and He knows my heart’s desire, but why would He give me this when I am so ready to serve in other ways? Maybe it’s because He wants to break me of my pride. Once I get my ideas about how best to serve, I am so ready to do it. If there are other ways that don’t fit with what I want, then I am quick to judge and voice why it isn’t the best way. But maybe Jesus would have me just serve Him to the best of my abilities wherever I am, whether in the slums or the suburbs. “Slaves, in all things obey those who are your masters on earth, not with external service, as those who merely please men, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.” ~Colossians 3:22-24
I am in Brazil for the next 2 months, and I am with a team, and we are here to serve. So instead of being prideful and wanting to serve only in the way I feel called, I think God wants me to learn what it means to have no rights and just serve Him. God knows my heart is for direct relationship with the broken and the poor, but I know that He knows way better than I do about when and where and how that will happen. Maybe we will end up in the slums and orphanages while we are here, and maybe not. Either way, I want to serve Christ to the best of my abilities, even if it means giving up my desires for the time being. God is a good God, and He has perfect timing for everything in our lives. My prayer is that our hearts will know that to be true so that we might humble ourselves as Christ did, and thus bring God glory through our surrendered hearts.
